I was in a thrift store with Sunny sometime within the last 14 months,
She picked up a book and said “I want you to buy this for yourself.”
“Okay,” I said.
When we got home, I put it on our mirrored bookshelf. I remember looking at the acknowledgements on the inside cover and found a quote from Ray Bradbury.
He said “He gives me Flight. He keeps me Young.”
And even still, it sat on the shelf, untouched, and unread, like many of the books I have purchased secondhand over the years.
A few weeks ago, while in the most chaotic Goodwill I’ve ever been, I perused the book section. I was specifically looking for vintage cookbooks and baking recipes.
I have developed a fascination with baking and cooking since moving rural. It’s as if only now, deprived of the food diversity I took for granted living in Los Angeles, do I have a profound interest in what we eat, how we prepare it, and what it means. But I will go into that another day.
A small paperback in black with bold white letters stood out to me: Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, by Richard Bach. I pulled it off the shelf and brought it to Sunny.
“Isn’t this the author of that seagull book? The one you got for me?”
“I think so… Yeah, maybe,” she said.
I still hadn’t read Jon Seagull, but this discovery felt like a reminder to do so.
So I bought Illusions and brought it home. Then I found Jon Seagull and put them on the mirrored shelf together.
A few more weeks went by. I got fired from my corporate sales job.
And I started reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
This “story” is 80 pages, split evenly between text and the black and white photography of Russell Munson. It’s short, but anything but a quick read. Simply put, it’s the tale of a seagull who loves flying. But rich with themes of grief, death, politics, religion, dreams, and aerodynamics.
I was immediately inspired. Not only to fly, but to be myself. In the days after reading, I created this website and started this blog. I submitted more poems to various literary mags around the country. I cleaned my closet and unearthed writing projects I thought would be buried forever.
In the story, Jon Livingston is outcast by his flock for pushing the limits of flying. At first, he feels as though he is born in the wrong time, living amongst gulls that only care about eating; and flying only serving as an agent of food. But through his exile, he learns his true powers are to lead, to change, and to fly.
He wasn’t born in the wrong time, he was born at exactly the right time to change the world in which he lived. He is a once in a ten-thousand-year bird and it takes exile, loss, confusion, and enlightenment, to understand why.
In another life, I would break down upon not reaching my goals. As if failure was a sign post for doing something else, instead of a reminder to keep going.
I exiled myself, I moved to another world, I changed. I have lived many lives, both publicly and privately, and this book, this bird, and this blog are a reminder for me to keep going. I just had to find my own Jon Livingston Seagull. And I think he’s here.
All this is to say: I’m not going anywhere, so stick around.
-Brian